Love Relationship
Understand Your Love Language
14Aug 2018
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Everyone communicates love in different ways, so understanding each other’s specific love language may be beneficial to your relationship. According to Gary Chapman, Ph.D., author of “The Five Love Languages,” once you and your partner have identified with one of the five languages, you both will feel most loved when that language is expressed and gain the satisfaction of making each other happy.

Before continuing into the descriptions of each love language, we recommend that you take the free online test to determine which love language you are.

Click here to take the test now, or scroll to the bottom of this article for a shorter 60-second quiz.

Words of Affirmation

Words speak louder than actions if you receive love through words of affirmation. You feel most loved when your partner verbally expresses the reasons behind his or her love for you and unsolicited compliments replay in your head all day. Conversely, negative words or insults can damage your spirit and they are not easily forgotten.

To communicate this love language, do not let days go by without saying, “I love you” and verbally acknowledge anything that makes you happy to be with your partner.

If your partner’s love language is Words of Affirmation you could:

1. Set a goal to give your partner a different compliment each day for a month.
“You did a great job on this meal.”
“You really look nice in that outfit.”
“I really appreciate your washing the car.”

2. Write a love letter, a love paragraph, or a love sentence to your partner, and give it quietly or without fanfare.

3. Compliment your partner in the presence of his parents or friends. You will get double credit. Your spouse will feel loved and the parents will feel lucky to have such a great son-in-law or daughter-in-law.

4. Look for your partner’s strengths and tell how much you appreciate those strengths. Chances are she will work hard to live up to her reputation.

5. Tell your children how great their mother or father is. Do this both behind your partner’s back and in their presence.

6. Choose a card that expresses how you feel. Underline special words and add a few of your own at the end.

 

Quality Time

Full and undivided attention makes you feel most loved if quality time is your love language. Spending time with your partner can mean staying in and watching movies or having good conversations over a gourmet dinner. When your partner makes time for you, he or she is communicating that you are more important than any other activity.

To communicate this language, do not cancel plans or postpone dates as these actions are hurtful and may cause your partner to question your love.

If your partner’s love language is Quality Time you could:

1. Ask your partner for a list of five activities that he would enjoy doing with you. Make plans to do one of them each month for the next five months.

2. Make time every day to share with each other some of the events of the day.

3. Plan a weekend getaway just for the two of you sometime within the next few months. Focus on relaxing together doing what one or both of you enjoy.

4. Take a walk together through the old neighborhood where one of you grew up. Ask questions about your partner’s childhood.

5. Think of an activity your partner enjoys, but which brings little pleasure to you: football, symphony etc. Tell your partner that you are trying to broaden your horizons and would like join her in this activity sometime this month. Set a date and give it your best effort. Ask questions about the activity at break times.

6. Camp out by the fireplace. Spread your blankets and pillows on the floor. Pretend the TV is broken and talk like you used to when you were dating.

 

Receiving Gifts

This love language is more about thoughtfulness and the remembrance of important dates than it is about materialism. The entire process behind buying the gift makes you feel loved. The fact that your partner took time to drive to the store, pondered the perfect purchase and spent money to make you happy are things that make you feel most loved. Gifts also can come in the form of gestures such as love notes or phone calls to simply say, “How was your day?”

To communicate this language, give a thoughtful gift on each anniversary, holiday and birthday.

If your partner’s love language is Receiving Gifts you could:

1. Give your partner a gift every day for one week. It need not be a special week, just any week. It will become “The Week That Was!”

2. Discover the value of “handmade originals.”

3. Keep a “Gift Idea Notebook”. Every time you hear your partner say “I really like that,” write it down. Listen carefully and you will get quite a list.

4. If you really don’t have a clue as to how to select a gift for your partner, ask a friend or family member who knows them well.

5. Give a living gift. Purchase and plant a tree or flowering shrub in honor of your partner.

 

Acts of Service

Vacuuming, washing the dishes or performing maintenance on your vehicle are all romantic gestures if your love language is acts of service. You feel most loved when your partner recognizes your stress and helps to lighten your load. To communicate this language, pitch in without being condescending or dominant and take initiative to help when your see that your partner is stressed. Laziness or adding to the workload expresses your lack of concern and may be destructive to your relationship.

If your partner’s love language is Acts of Service you could:

1. Make a list of all the requests your partner has made of you over the last few weeks. Select one of these each week and do it as an expression of love.

2. Cut out some heart-shaped note cards and print the following:
“Today I will show my love for you by …”
Complete the sentence with one of the following: mowing the lawn, vacuuming the floor, washing dishes, taking the dog for a walk etc.

3. If you have more money than time, hire someone to do the acts of service that you know your partner would like for you to do. If you take the responsibility for getting it done, you will be speaking love even when you are away.

4. Ask your partner to tell you the daily acts of service that would really speak love to him or her. These might include such things as putting your dirty clothes in the hamper, hanging up your clothes at night, preparing a meal, and washing the dishes. “Little things” really do mean a lot.

5. Periodically ask your partner, “If I could do one special act of service this week, what would you request?” If possible, do it and watch your partner’s love tank fill up!

Physical Touch

Physical touch does not always have to be communicated through sex. Holding hands, thoughtful touches on the arm and hugs are all ways to communicate love to your partner. Touching is a nonverbal communication style that can express love, concern, adoration and care. To communicate through touch, discover how your partner likes to be touched and act on it. Avoid neglect or physical abuse as these actions are often unforgivable.

If your partner’s love language is Physical Touch you could:

1. Hold hands as you walk.

2. While eating together, let your knee or foot drift over and touch your partner.

3. While your partner is seated, walk up behind them and initiate a shoulder massage.

4. When family or friends are visiting, touch your partner in their presence. A hug, running your hand along his or her arm, or simply placing a hand on their shoulder can earn double emotional points. It says, “Even with all these people in our home, I still see you.”

5. Walk up to your partner and say, “Have I told you lately that I love you?” Take her in your arms and hug her while you rub her back and continue. “You are the greatest!” (Resist the temptation to rush to the bedroom.) Untangle yourself and move on to the next thing.

The 60-Second Quiz

For each pair of following statements, circle the one that fits you best within your relationship. If you are not currently in a relationship, try to imagine how you would like to be treated if you were. Or think about how you like to be treated by family members and close friends.

1. I like to receive encouraging or affirming notes A
I like to be hugged E

2. I like to spend one-to-one time with close friends B
I feel loved when someone gives me practical help D

3. I like it when people give me gifts C
I like leisurely visits with friends and loved ones B

4. I feel loved when people do things to help me D
I feel loved when people give me a reassuring hand shake or hug E

5. I feel loved when someone I love or admire puts their arm around me E
I feel loved when I receive a gift from someone I admire or love C

6. I like to go places with friends or loved ones B
I like to high-five or slap around with friends who are special to me E

7. Visible symbols of love (such as gifts) are important to me C
I feel loved when people affirm me A

8. I like to sit close to people I enjoy being around E
I like it when people tell me I’m attractive/handsome A

9. I like to spend time with friends and loved ones B
I like to receive little gifts from friends and loved ones C

10. Words of acceptance are important to me A
I know someone loves me when he or she helps me D

11. I like being together and doing things with friends & loved ones B
I like it when kind words are spoken to me A

12. What someone does affects me far more than what they say D
Hugs make me feel connected and valued E

13. I value praise and try to avoid criticism A
Several small gifts mean more to me than one large gift C

14. I feel close to someone when we are talking or doing something together B
I feel closer to friends & loved ones when we wrestle, hug or shake hands E

15. I like for people to complement my achievements A
I know people love me when they do things for me they don‟t enjoy doing D

16. I like for people to cross the street to shake hands or hug when they see me E
I like when people listen to me & show genuine interest in what I‟m saying B

17. I feel loved when friends and loved ones help me with jobs or projects D
I really enjoy receiving gifts from friends and loved ones C

18. I like for people to complement my appearance A
I feel loved when people take time to understand my feelings B

19. I feel secure when a special person is physically close to me E
Acts of service make me feel loved D

20. I appreciate the many things that special people do for me D
I like to receive gifts that special people make for me C

21. I really enjoy the feeling I get when someone gives me undivided attention B
I really enjoy the feeling I get when someone does some act to serve me D

22. I feel loved when a person celebrates my birthday with a gift C
I feel loved when a person celebrates my birthday with meaningful words A

23. I know a person is thinking of me when they give me a gift C
I feel loved when a person helps me with my chores or tasks D

24. I appreciate it when someone listens patiently and doesn’t interrupt me B
I appreciate it when someone remembers special days with a gift C

25. I like knowing loved ones are concern enough to help with my daily tasks D
I enjoy extended trips with someone who is special to me B

26. I don’t mind the “kiss-hello‟ with friends I am close to E
Receiving a gift given for no special reason excites me C

27. I like to be told that I am appreciated A
I like for a person to look at me when they are talking B

28. Gifts from a friend or loved one are always special to me C
I feel good when a friend or loved one hugs or touches me E

29. I feel loved when a person enthusiastically does some task I have requested D
I feel loved when I am told how much I am appreciated A

30. I need physical contact with people everyday E
I need words of encouragement and affirmation everyday A

Now go through your quiz again and count how many “A, B, C, D and Es” you circled and place the number in below.

TOTALS:

A: ________ B: ________ C: ________ D: ________ E: ________

Which letter has your highest score? That is your primary love language:

•A = Words of Affirmation

•B = Quality Time

•C = Receiving Gifts

•D = Acts of Service

•E = Physical Touch

7 Secrets for Staying in Love (MP3)
10Jul 2018
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“Love is the tough, essential answer to the riddle of human existence, of human wholeness and happiness. To live is to love.”
-John Powell

Discover seven profound secrets for staying in love in this audio episode, based on John Powell’s book “The Secret of Staying in Love,” presented by Jessi Kohlhagen.

Click here to download the audio (right click player and “Save As”) More…

82 Affirmations for Lasting Love and Romance
26Jun 2018
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Looking to create more LOVE in your life?

Here are some mantras to meditate on each day to increase the connection, romance, and LOVE in your life.

Affirmations for SEEKING LOVE

  1. My heart is open and ready for extraordinary love
  2. The more I love myself, the more love I have to share with others
  3. I deserve all the love, romance and joy that life has to offer
  4. I have created space in my life for my soul mate
  5. The time has come to be with my ideal love partner
  6. I radiate pure, unconditional love to the one who is on their way into my life
  7. I am already deeply connected to the one I will love
  8. The person I love is also seeking me
  9. I am an attractive person
  10. More…

6 Ways Partner Meditation Will Deepen Your Intimacy
31Jul 2017
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Written by Jessi Kohlhagen

Let’s face it… it’s incredibly easy for couples to get out of tune with each other.

All it takes is a busy schedule, a stressful day, or a resistant response, and suddenly you can feel like you’re a million miles apart.

The good news is there are countless strategies for nurturing your love relationship and keeping each other close. And one of the most powerful strategies of all is partner meditation.

Partner meditation provides an incredible way for you and your beloved to tune in to one another.

By taking a few minutes to meditate with your partner each day, you can strengthen your connection, deepen your intimacy, and get to know each other on a whole new level.

And it doesn’t take thousands of dollars, hours of time and energy, or days of planning.

All it requires are a few minutes of simple silence and gentle presence.

Ready to discover the power for yourself?

Here are 6 Ways Partner Meditation Will Transform Your Love Relationship:

Heightened Intuition

Meditation has countless positive benefits, but one of the most powerful of all is the deepening of awareness. As we become more aware, we tune into the subtler fluctuations occurring all around us. When couples meditate together, they develop a more refined sense of intuition, which allows them to see and feel the subtler layers in their exchanges. This puts them more in tune with each other and ultimately leads to a deeper felt sense of who their loved one is deep down, and what their needs are in any given moment.

Physical and Energetic Attunement

When we meditate with others, we bring our bodies physically close together, we share a common intention, and we drop into a deeper space within. In this space, our brain waves and energetic frequencies begin to harmonize. This helps to integrate and balance our mental, physical, emotional and energetic bodies with our partner, to create a greater sense of balance, unity and harmony.

More Compassionate Understanding

Meditation can drop us into deep states of inner peace, where we can experience unparalleled feelings of relaxation, openness and ease. From this inner place, compassionate understanding becomes so much easier than if we are feeling tense, closed, or defensive. As meditation helps us access the subtler layers at work beneath the surface of our interactions, we have greater clarity and insight into where our partner is coming from and what it is that they truly need in the moment. We are less prone to judging and condemning them, and more likely to seek a compassionate, understanding and caring approach.

Better Listening and Receiving

Meditation is in many ways about listening, receiving, accepting. It is a practice where the “doing” side of ourselves (thinking, planning, efforting) gets set aside, and we become receptive antennas for tuning into the greater flow within and all around us. In this way, meditation develops our capacity to receive — to truly take in, be present with, and accept something exactly as it is — without reaction, evaluation or improvement. As a result, we can show up more fully when our partner needs us most, and make them feel truly seen and heard.

Improved Communication

Meditation cultivates the qualities of unity, harmony, balance and truth. For this reason, it is an excellent tool to call upon in moments of heated tension or argument. Turning inward and allowing ourselves to truly sit with our feelings, without indulging our knee-jerk reactions to them, can be a truly illuminating practice, and one that can mean the difference between a draining blowout fight and an honest, heartfelt conversation that actually evolves a relationship. So next time you find yourself in an escalating argument with your partner, meditate together in silence for a few moments, and then try communicating in stillness with your eyes closed.

Greater Truthfulness

True nature is alive in each of us, but it exists behind the curtain of our everyday patterns, programmed behaviors, thoughts, and conditioning. Meditation helps us clear away these distractions, bringing us in direct contact with our Truth. This simply means that when we sit in meditation, we allow ourselves to see what’s really here right now. Whether they’re thoughts, emotions, reactions, or anything else, meditation opens our awareness and cultivates our capacity to be present with what is – without denying it, indulging it, or changing it. As we develop our awareness of Truth within ourselves, we can bring this skill to our love relationship, allowing us to clearly and objectively bear witness to our experiences and ultimately transcend them by finding a higher common ground where we can do the greater work of transforming our fears, sorrows and negativities into LOVE.

More…

19 Adorable Things Our Partners Do That We Love
19Sep 2016
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When we spend so much time with someone, it’s easy to overlook how truly amazing the little things are.

So this month, VIPs took some time to think about how much they appreciate these “little things,” and are here to share the adorable habits their partners do that they absolutely love.

These are the things that make us fall for each other again and again.

What are some of yours?!

19 Adorable Habits We Love In Our Partners

More…

How to Live in a Constant State of Love
30Aug 2016
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Written by Lifebook Member Dr. Joel Wade

When we love someone, and they enter a room, that room gets a little brighter for us, like the lights have been turned up a notch.

What brings that glow, that brightness from another fellow human being? Love is too rich and complex to boil down to some single facet or data point; but one of the essential elements that goes into feeling love for one another, is the experience of being seen.

When we fall in love with someone, we aren’t just seeing who they are, we’re seeing the best of who they are; and to see and be seen in this way is one of the greatest, deepest joys of life.

One of the central qualities of happy marriages is that both partners continue to see each other that way over time.

Researchers have found that happy mates always rate their partner more highly than other friends or observers do.

This is not some fantasy pretense or delusional wishful thinking. We are complex beings. Within every person is a rich world that takes time to understand. We are each full of aspirations and abilities and courage that aren’t obvious to just anybody.

It takes getting to know somebody deeply to see what they’re made of; and in that knowing, a loving mate will choose the best of possibilities to focus on, to reflect back towards, and in that way, to encourage more of.

In contrast, when love dies, that focus turns toward criticism and disappointment, and the gaze moves to see those very same qualities that once inspired and delighted now as weaknesses or irritations.

This is a choice that each of us can make at any moment in time; we can choose to see the best in another person… or the worst. If you want love to grow, choose the former. More…

20 Quotes to Love By
02Aug 2016
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Love is the most powerful force in the universe… the one that governs all others. Love multiplies the best we have, and gives meaning to our lives. It is through love that we come face to face with the divine.

And while the word “love” has become over-used and under-valued, here are 20 beautiful quotes that capture the essence of its mystery and magic. More…

Finding Love With Lifebook
07Jun 2016
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Article by Amanda Dudl

Amanda experienced the Lifebook Program in September of 2007.  6 months later, in the same city, a stranger named Bret became a Lifebook Member.  This is the story of their love and how they are continuing to create a legendary romance. More…

How to find the perfect babysitter
18Aug 2015
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The single greatest barrier standing between couples and a regularly scheduled, totally blissed out date night is the lack of a quality babysitter.

Add to that the dread and stress that goes along with trying to find and keep a truly quality babysitter, and you’ve already got yourself a long list of reasons why date night probably just “isn’t worth the effort.”

Sure, it’s easier to stay in, put the kids to sleep, and binge watch a Netflix series while eating some chocolate. Just throw on your favorite pair of baggy sweatpants and leap onto the old, familiar couch, and voila – date night here we come.

But is comfort really what we’re trying to create more of in our love relationships? Are laziness, exhaustion, lack of ambition and untapped creativity really what we want to cultivate?

On some nights – maybe. We’ve all been there, for sure.

But it sure as heck doesn’t stir up any new energy, emotion or romance. These things require continual creativity and action. They require discipline and commitment.

Easy doesn’t translate into extraordinary in any area of life – but this is especially true when it comes to acts of love.

So what’s a family to do?

Get CREATIVE. More…

12 Reasons Date Nights Are The Most Important Habit In Your Life
14Jul 2015
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I’ll be the first to admit – it was a glorious, beautiful thing we had back in Illinois.

My husband and I both grew up there, and raising our own children within 15 minutes of nearly everyone that we loved was an absolute blessing. We saw both our families at least once a week – but often many days in a row for work, pleasure, or a lovely combination of both.

Anytime we needed support – our families were there.

At least once a week they would take the kids for hours on end – often overnight – so we could have some quality alone time. Many times, after a family dinner or daytime hangout, the kids would beg us to let them stay longer, just for the fun of it, and Pat and I would drive away wondering how to fill this delightfully unexpected alone time together.

We were spontaneous. We could fully disconnect, knowing that the grandparents had everything totally under control. We were free to be together – not as parents, but as adults, lovers, and friends.

Glorious and beautiful, indeed.

Then, last winter, we decided to pack up our lives and moved 2,000 miles west, to northern California, completely alone.

We knew our new adventure would be nothing other than a life-changing leap into the unknown – filled with magic, rebirth, self-discovery and the forging of a newer, brighter, more fulfilling life.

And that has proven to be 100% true. But I’ll be the first to admit…

Raising kids away from family blows. More…