Emotional LifeLifebook Members
Focusing the Lens
22Feb 2011
4
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By:  Lifebook Member John Vieceli

Emotions are an incredibly interesting subject. They have a certain duality that reminds me of a concept in Zen philosophy. The concept of: ‘You as center’ and ‘You as periphery’

  • ‘You as center’ refers to you as the center of your world – inside yourself – and what occurs internally.
  • ‘You as periphery- refers to the meeting point between you (internal) and the outside world (external).

When it comes to my emotions I use a philosophy similar to this concept. I look at my emotions as internal (how I feel and what occurs inside) and external (how I express myself to the world around me). Each emotion has two different focal points – one facing inward and one facing outward.

Each of us has a unique emotional fingerprint. We view the world and ourselves through our distinctive lenses. Here are my two vantage points.

Internal

You will always find what you choose to look for

When it comes to emotions, it all begins with me. Emotions are generated from within first and foremost. If I’m not feeling right, the lens through which I view the world won’t look right. So I strive to be happy. I have made a conscious choice to “focus” on the great things in life. This is what brings me the most joy and happiness. My lens is wide open and ready to capture any of the beauty life shows me.

I could certainly choose to focus on the bad things that are happening in the world. But instead, I’ve made it a point to actively search for the incredibly positive and beautiful things. These things make me happy.

I was recently in Bali. It’s an amazing country full of emerald green rice terraces, perfect sunsets and the warmest people on the planet. There is also an incredible amount of garbage and litter everywhere you look. While, of course I see the garbage, I choose to see the beauty. I have found that choosing to see the great things in life naturally filters out a majority of the negative things. It can even make them more beautiful. With positivity and beauty comes curiosity, which keeps things interesting and expands your active search and discovery of the things that make you happy.

You can be sure that negative things will cross your path, most of which are out of your control, so you have to consciously direct your focus. Negatives are endless, but so are positives. It’s what you choose to experience that makes up your emotional life.

External

Use what works

Recognizing an emotion has never been difficult for me. On the other hand, expressing my emotions was sometimes very challenging. I had done an enormous amount of thinking on why this may be, but I really hadn’t arrived at a satisfactory conclusion. I eventually decided that why I wasn’t able to express myself was less important than figuring out how to express myself. I started by analyzing what my process was.

Several years ago while I was cleaning out a closet, I found a box of old cards that I had written to a college girlfriend. One of the reasons we broke up was that she felt I wasn’t emotional enough – I didn’t express my feelings freely. While rereading those cards I realized that, while I may not have been verbally expressive in our relationship, I was very expressive in my writing. I started to think about the how I had expressed my feelings over the years and I discovered that whenever I shared how I felt it usually occurred through writing. Writing my feelings allows me to clearly process them. I found that when I would express myself verbally, my mind had all of these jumbled up ideas and feelings. When I would go to say them out loud I tended to fumble over myself and jump around in a non-linear fashion. I would inevitably get frustrated because I felt like I wasn’t expressing myself and I wanted what I was saying to be perfect and precise. Verbally it never worked that way for me. When I write, I can take the time to sort out my feelings, and make them clearer and more concise. I can express my emotions perfectly. I realized I had gotten so lost in trying to verbally express my feelings that I missed the different form through which I was able to successfully capture my emotions and share them with others. I realized that writing was just as valid as speaking.

That discovery was a break through for me. It was like I was able to rip through a jacket that was 5 sizes too small. It’s easy to get caught up in what everyone else is doing and try to fit yourself into that standard. We often ignore our natural strengths and focus our energy on improving our weaknesses. Today, I still prefer written to verbal communication, but I have noticed a great improvement in my ability to express my feelings verbally. For me, learning about myself and how I process things has been the first step in having a healthy, happy emotional life.

jv1

4 comments “Focusing the Lens”

  • Gary Sherman
    March 6, 2011
    12:10 pm

    Dear John,
    It was such a pleasure to meet you and Meredith on our Bali trip. I hope your nuptuals were special for both of you.
    I also have been accused of being emotionally challenged verbally. My wife would often ask me to leave her cards as she knows I am much better at writing down and expressing my feelings compared to telling her.
    There is something about putting your words and feelings on paper that is very powerful. It is putting yourself out there without a safety net.
    Thank you for reminding me to leave more love notes for her.
    all the best, Gary

  • Heather Rice
    March 13, 2011
    12:10 pm

    Dear John

    This short article has given me a huge AHA! I have grown to be hesitant to express my emotions verbally especially in what I perceive to be challenging situations because I would also find myself fumbling for the right words and then feeling misunderstood and concerned that my energy comes across as too fierce to be accepted. I think I too can write more effectively in these situations so I will start using this strategy more.

    Thank you soooo much

    Heather

  • John
    March 19, 2011
    12:10 pm

    Hey guys thanks for the comments. I wish we could have arrived in Bali with the whole Lifebook group. We could have spent more time together. Would have LOVED to have participated in the “in depth” dinner discussions. Felt like we missed some good stuff. I love debating ideas and learning other points of view. BTW, Mere and I ultimately didn’t get married in Bali for a whole host of reasons, the biggest being that we still don’t know if the marriage would have been legal. Looks like we are trading volcanos for mountains. Wedding is set for Park City (our new home) on top of the PC mountain.

  • John, you described the emotional expression of my life most perfectly. I feel writing for me is much easier to express more precisely my inner feelings than try to sort through thought processes verbally. I have found this extremely helpful with patient management on a daily basis and it has allowed me to utilize my emotional potential to tap into the power of Innate Intelligence. The essence of chiropractic philosophy is this: above down, inside out. That is what turns on the healing power of the hands and I have utilized that to get better results for my patients. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and ideas.

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